February - 22, 2022

Mourning a Loss

*Content Warning- Discussion of Miscarriage and Stillbirth. Please read at your own discretion.*

This is Not Your Fault

If you have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth, understand that it is not your fault. Do not blame yourself. You are not broken or a failure. Oftentimes, there is no good reason for miscarriage or still birth.

Feel What You’re Feeling

After going through a loss, it’s common to feel overcome with sadness, anger, and fear. Your instinct may be to suppress those emotions so you don’t have to feel them, but bottling up those emotions will only lead to an explosive outburst later on.

Rather, try saying to yourself, “I am feeling sad/angry/fearful and that’s okay.” While these feelings may be intense, think of them as waves that will come and go. Feel them in the moment and remind yourself that eventually, everything will be okay. You do not have to be okay right now.

The healthiest way to grieve is to just be in the moment. Don’t worry about how long it is taking to grieve. The best timeline is the one that is right for you. If you are able, take some time off work to allow yourself to grieve.

Honor Your Loss

Honor and memorialize your loss through art or with memorial jewelry. You can choose to create your own art to express your emotions, or you may want to buy an art piece that speaks to you. You can also buy a memorial necklace, ring, or bracelet. Let this serve as your reminder that your baby was real and their life is greatly missed. They will not be forgotten.

Lean Into Your Support System

You do not have to carry the weight of grief alone. Lean into your support system and allow them to lift you up when you feel heavy. Grieve your loss with your partner, trusted friends and family members, or a therapist. Let your loved ones know what you are comfortable with discussing.

You may find it helpful to find a support group in person or online. Support groups can be a great way to help you feel less isolated. They can also show you that, while the grief may never go away, it will become easier to live with.

Take Care of Yourself

When you are grieving, it can be hard to do the basic care things, like eating or sleeping. But that’s not sustainable. Try to ensure you are getting enough sleep, keeping up with basic hygiene, and eating regularly. You deserve to be treated well by everyone, including yourself.

You may find it helpful to use movement as a way of expressing your grief. When you feel a big rise in emotions, try going for a walk in the park or enjoying some light yoga. Movement can give you an outlet for your emotions and can be very therapeutic in processing your grief.

Allow Yourself to Feel Joy

If you find yourself feeling guilty when you experience moments of joy, give yourself some grace. It’s okay to be happy when you’re grieving. It’s part of the healing process. Healthy grieving allows for moments of all emotions, including happiness.

Trying to Conceive After a Loss

Before trying to conceive after a loss, discuss with your midwives when would be a good time to start. They will want to ensure proper healing before getting pregnant again. While you wait for the go-ahead, make sure you are eating well, getting regular exercise and rest to give yourself the best chance at a healthy pregnancy.

Taking good care of your physical self and getting your body prepared for another pregnancy is usually a little easier than the emotional and mental aspect. You may have conflicting feelings while trying to conceive, like being excited for a new life and scared of losing them at the same time. And that’s okay. You can have two very different feelings that can coexist.

After getting the okay to start trying to conceive and when your cycle has regulated again, try getting familiar with knowing when you ovulate. Using the Natural Family Planning method is a great way to recognize the symptoms you may have when ovulating. NFP can also be a great transitional birth control if you’re not quite ready to get pregnant again, but think you will be ready soon.

It may also be helpful to try seed cycling to promote the regulation of hormones. This entails consuming 1 tablespoon each of pumpkin and flax seeds daily for the follicular phase of your menstrual cycle then consuming 1 tablespoon each of sesame and sunflower seeds daily during the luteal phase. You can grind them up and use them in smoothies or breakfast muffins. Stay tuned for an in-depth post about seed cycling.

When conception does occur and you see a big fat positive on the pregnancy test, you may have conflicting feelings again. Recognize and accept those feelings. Pregnancy after loss is scary and nerve wracking, and it is still something to celebrate. Rainbow babies are something to be cherished. Read our previous blog post on 6 Ways to Commemorate Your Pregnancy to honor every second of your rainbow baby.

For medical advice and tips navigating a miscarriage or still birth, contact our midwives today.